The last two weeks I have said no to a lot of things; but none of them were easy. In this episode, I want to help you understand that it's not easy for any of us to say no, but also to recognize that saying no is important. I said no to a few volunteer opportunities as well as some things that were bringing me income, and I talk about them a little bit in this episode, along with my decision to say no. Episode 128 of the Moments with an MEO podcast is all about the week of saying no.
In this episode, I uncover:
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And to be honest, I think we put politeness in front of our own feelings and in front of being polite to ourselves even. And we put it in front of our priorities and our healthy boundaries far more than we should, especially as women who have been ingrained since birth. To say yes, to say, of course, I'll help you with that to say no worries when someone apologizes, because you're not supposed to make them feel bad about whatever it is that they're saying sorry for, or whatever it is that they couldn't do. And I think it's time that we stopped being more polite to other people than we are to ourselves.
Y'all, it has been a crazy wild ride the last few weeks. And if you are an avid listener of the podcast, you probably realized that I haven't posted a new episode in a couple of weeks. And to be honest, at first, I felt a lot of guilt for not showing up for y'all when I promised I would week after week after week, part of me felt a little bit of shame that I could not keep up with everything going on in my life. But it's been two and a half weeks now since the last episode went out. And now I have moved through those stages of grief, if you will. And I'm excited to be back. Today I'm going to be talking about something that kind of led to this moment, it was missing the first Friday, that honestly sparked something in me and I was like, Okay, this needs to happen. So we're going to be talking about saying, no, no woman is ingrained from childhood. Just say no, in fact, we are always trained to say, of course, I can help you with that. So saying no can be very difficult. And it's extremely difficult if you're a people pleaser, or if you are like me, a recovering people pleaser. So today we're talking about saying no, about two weeks ago, two and a half weeks ago now. I did not post it was Friday afternoon. And I was like, Oh man, I totally forgot. I have to edit and then post an episode today. I just realized that I didn't want to, and not in the sense that I don't like the podcast, not in the sense that I don't want to do the podcast anymore, or I don't find joy in it because I do. But last week, I was at the MBO retreat. And the last thing I wanted to do was walk away from hanging out with other me O's, working on our businesses, trainings, etc. and go do this podcast. Could I have planned ahead, edited it had it ready to go? So they didn't have to do any of the work? Yes, but I didn't. Because I've been very, very, very full in my schedule, and my time, my commitments and my plate, and so I just didn't get to it. And that's fine. We can't always get to things. And we can't always be planning ahead. Not everybody is perfect. And there was a flaw for me, and I'm okay with that. But anyway, I did not want to walk away from my friends to go to it. And so I just didn't. And they said, You know what, maybe maybe Saturday, maybe Sunday? Well, I came home Sunday. And my husband was leaving for a TDY on Thursday. So the last thing on my mind was trying to play catch up, especially when he came home after working all day, because I just wanted to spend time with him. I'd been gone a week, he's going to be gone for three weeks. So it's, you know, a month and some change, where we only have these four days to connect and to spend time together. So he became a priority. Well, that was Thursday. Well, Thursday morning, I
had to wake up at 3am to go drop him off. Raise your hand if you've ever done one of those TDY drop offs, you know what I'm talking about? And I just didn't feel like it again. It was just like I understand tomorrow is Friday. I just don't have the energy. And it was in this moment that I also realized it was Thursday, I realized that there were a lot of things on my plate that I was doing because I felt like other people were telling me that I should do it. Not because I actually wanted to do it. And even saying that now kind of hurts a little bit. I'm not gonna lie. There were things on my plate that I was doing because I felt like I have to do this in order to be successful, I have to do that, in order to be seen as an expert in my field. And none of these things were actually things that I wanted to do. It was things that I thought I should be doing because of messages I've heard in the past. So that realization happened on Thursday. And I said, You know what? I'm done. I'm done. Doing things that other people are telling me to do that I don't find joy in or I don't find a purpose in that actually suits me and my goals and my needs. I'm done pretending to find joy in things that I don't actually find joy in. And y'all this month is July, and July is my business birthday month. So my business is officially too and I have been full time I ditched my corporate job ditched working for other people this time last year. So I'm not three months into this realizing this, this has taken some time, this has taken a lot of work. And it's taken a lot of errors, if I'm being honest. But I am so excited that I'm here because it's almost like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Because I'm no longer trying to figure out what Suzy online says is going to bring me success because it brought her success. I'm no longer looking at those celebrities, CEOs like Steve Jobs going okay, what did he struggle with? How can I take his story and improve upon it? And how can I be the next Steve Jobs? When I don't even want to be Steve Jobs y'all like, I don't even want to be him. So the first thing I did was I looked at the things that I'm not finding joy in that are simply stressing me out. And I said in my actually enjoying this, and it's just stressful because of the season I'm in? Or do I hate this? Or do I not want to be part of this? Do I not enjoy this. And I dropped those things. The first thing I dropped was spouse club. Now, I like our spouse club, I enjoyed going to some of the events, I really struggled with the fact that I had promised them a commitment of myself. But also the fact that doing that on top of everything else was super stressful, because I felt like I was letting down people in my community in my local dem community, even though I wasn't enjoying what I was doing. And so to drop that took a lot more courage than I thought it was going to. And it took a lot more realness with myself like Brett, I know you made a commitment. But this isn't working for you right now in this season. And this is not where you expect it to be. And it's time to move on from that. So I needed to have like a real talk with myself in order to make that okay for me mentally and ethically. And just I mean, I'm an Enneagram three, perception is huge. I'm also a wing too, so like, pleasing other people matters so much to me. And so letting someone down, especially a group of people down is really difficult for me to come to terms with. And it took a couple days, but I have come to terms with it. And I'm just thankful that that is over that the hard part is over that I can move on and move forward.
The second thing that I dropped was actually the thing that got me to become a full time entrepreneur. I've been working for a podcast production agency for a year and a half. And I took it on just before like just a few months before I quit my corporate job last year as a way of going okay, at least I know that my business expenses will be paid for by this side hustle. I'm also learning you guys if you've been with us for a while you can tell there's an editing difference. There's a style difference. It's just cleaner better now. Through this side hustle I have grown exponentially and I love the women I'm working with. It's an all women team. I love what I'm doing. I love supporting other female podcasters and honestly, I love getting paid to listen to podcasts because it's like getting paid to do personal development. I'm obsessed. However, it's one of those things that honestly takes up the most amount of time each week. And it pays the least compared to everything else I'm doing. It was my first kind of like side hustle, as opposed to my corporate job. And so I just took any wage I could get, and it does not pay as well as my time is worth now, did it a year and a half ago, maybe, but it doesn't now. And so this position is no longer serving me. Because I have learned I've soaked up so much knowledge I've made friends, I have connected it was what I needed to feel stable. However, now I am ready to leap again. And I think it's important to note here that in entrepreneurship, they talk about the leap, right, and it's that, that jump into the unknown of entrepreneurship, and it's the start of something and just start your business. But I think what ends up falling flat in discussion is that there are so many leaps in entrepreneurship, there is the leap from corporate to starting a side hustle, there is the leap from starting a side hustle to taking it full time, there is the leap from working on one project to all of a sudden learning something new that's outside of your typical scope. There is the leap of going from an Etsy shop to your own website, or even from an Etsy shop to wholesale, which is totally different ballgame. And then if you're a product based business, there's also the leap of going from online to in person, whether that's opening up your own boutique or your own store or collaborating with other small boutiques or even Target and Walmart and getting your products on the shelves there. There's the leap from no email list to an email list or no blog, podcast, whatever to creating that there is the leap of finally showing up face to camera on your stories, or in a real, there are so many leaps in entrepreneurship. And so I think we tend to talk about the big one, which is starting your business, but there's so many in between. And one of the things that I think needs to be normalized, but also accepted is the fact that people who are entrepreneurs probably have other side hustles raise your hand if you have more than one stream of income right now. Because the typical small business does not make an income
for three years. Three years after you start your small businesses, when you're supposed to start making income like actual like, I'm going to take a salary and this is going to provide for my family. And so if you're at that three year mark, and you're not there yet, that's okay. And if you're there way sooner than three years, and that's great, too. And I think it's because of these leaps that we have to take, we have to leapfrog from one stone to the next from one moment or one momentous occasion or one big hurdle to the next until we make it that far. This is a journey. This is not a destination. Entrepreneurship is definitely not a destination, it is a journey. And so there's also the leap of letting go of what's keeping you grounded of what's keeping you feeling safe. And it's not always the perfect time to do that. So if you're looking around going Bret, there's no way I can quit this other thing that is making the income for my family or there's no way that I could quit my corporate job right now. Or there is no way that I could stop babysitting on the weekends right now. That is okay. But sit down and figure out what would it take to get there? Is it a certain amount in savings? Is it a certain amount in product sold? Is it a certain amount of services rendered each month? What is it that's going to allow you to let go of the stable of what is known of what is safe, and truly leap and trust yourself in your business to pull the work for you. And it may not be right now and that's totally fine. It took me over two years to get here. But here we are. I am finally letting go of that and I'm 100% on my businesses. So I had to say no a lot and no can be very, very difficult to do I get asked a lot in one on ones. You know, Brett, how do I tell this person I don't want to do it but do it politely. And to be honest, I think we put politeness in front of our own feelings and in front of being polite to ourselves even more And we put it in front of our priorities and our healthy boundaries far more than we should, especially as women who have been ingrained since birth, to say yes, to say, of course, I'll help you with that to say no worries when someone apologizes, because you're not supposed to make them feel bad about whatever it is that they're saying sorry for, or whatever it is that they couldn't do. And I think it's time that we stopped being more polite to other people than we are to ourselves. It's so annoying to have to put someone else's feelings before my own when it comes to my own business or how I run things. And so if you're sitting there going, Brett, I've got the same question like, What do I do? How do I tell someone I don't want to do it. And it's simply that my friend, you just say, I don't want to do it. You guys have probably seen already. I mean, people have taken this and run with it. And I love it so much. It's been shared and shared and shared again, that no, and oh, no, is a false sentence. You can put no with a period and send it.
You can do that 100%, you can do that. You can also say, I don't do that at this time. You can say, I haven't ever thought about that. But I don't do that right now. If you are actually considering it, you can say hey, I, you know, that's a great idea hadn't ever considered it. I will now though, but never lie to a customer just to make them feel better about their inquiry. Never give things away for free just because somebody asked, never say yes, and then hang up and cry. You don't need to say yes, just to avoid hurt feelings, or avoid an angry message, or anything else like that. You can say no. And I want to encourage you to say no, because man, I feel like 10 pounds lighter. Just because I've said no to multiple things I had someone reached out asking me to be part of the Rotary Club here. And I was like, I just can't, I just can't. My plate is full. Someone reached out and said, Well, what would you do? If you had a meeting? And then someone wanted to work with you. I'd be like, You know what I can work with you. I just can't work with you. During my other meeting. I have prior commitments. It's that simple. And I think a lot of times we get hung up on the how and the who and the what, and the politeness and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And we don't need to say no, I hope that you have like, soaked this up like a dry sponge. And now you're like all spongy, and wet and soapy and whatever, and you go out this week, and you crush it because you can girl. And I hope that this message plays back to you. When someone asks you to do something, and you don't want to do it, but you want to be polite. I hope that soaked up sponge within you says Brit said it's okay to say no. And then I hope that you say no and that you feel good about it for you not because I told you that you should say no. Because I'm not shutting you at all. This is about doing what's right for you and not doing things that aren't right for you. This is about making sure that you're not doing things simply because other people have told you that you should do them not because you actually find joy in them. The whole point that we're on this entrepreneurship journey is because we don't want to work for somebody else. We want to have fun, we want to have freedom. We want to have time we want to have money. We want to have family experiences, and friends. We want all these things. And yet as soon as we take that first leap right into entrepreneurship, everything goes down the drain and all of a sudden we work 16 hour days and we're not doing things we enjoy and it's quote, because it's just being a business owner. That's just why I got to do it. But you don't enjoy it and then you're getting rid of friendships because you can't ever hang out because you're working all the time. The Hustle is not the success. And I want to leave you with that.